Are you living in a homely house?

(first published October 1, 2009 in Cebu Daily News Life!)

The phrase "homely house" is famously used by J.R.R. Tolkien in reference to Rivendell, a realm of Elves in the fictional "Middle Earth." Rivendell is said to be homely for the highly visible state of communion among the members of the house of Rivendell. In this last homely house of elves led by Elrond, there was fine and courteous speech, a culture of kindness, an effort at protecting joy among the Elves and whomsoever they welcomed as their guests.

Those familiar with Rivendell will realize that people in the real world need not teleport themselves to fantastic dwellings to experience the homeliness of a house. "A house is not a home," so an old song goes, and "there is no place like home," an old adage states. So what constitutes a home? Chiefly a love that has, to borrow words from yet another song, "no walls, no ceilings, no floors," manifested in the most significant places inside a house.

Consider your dining room at mealtime. The question here is not whether or not you are living with a family, but whether or not you eat together with the family of which you are a part. How frequently in a week do you eat together with your family? The less frequently you do, the less likely it is that you are living in a homely house. And beyond eating together with members of your family, you have to consider the question of the presence or absence of communication as you eat. Quiet, automatic meals are symptoms of an un-homely house.

Consider your living room. Is it always finely arranged? If so, could it be because barely any living happens in your living room? Seat covers and cushions remain unruffled perhaps because you and your spouse or other family members have not had the time to sit together and talk, or watch a home video together, or sing at a joint videoke session. If the living room starts to become a relatively unused part of the house, perhaps its time to bring people together to this place, a center of communion far more precious than a cafe table.

Consider the sights and sounds of your bedroom at wake-up time in the morning, and before you sleep at night, as well as the "noises" and silences at the threshold of your house. Do you see in the your bedroom in the morning someone giving you a happy morning greeting, and someone at night sending you to dreamland with a heartfelt goodnight? Do your doorsteps remain settings for goodbye or welcome kisses, and blessings too, as your household members come and go? Speak to each other in your rooms, show affection and impart blessings at the door. So shall you repel spirits of unhomeliness.

Consider the place where you pray with your family at home. Have your altars and statuaries been gathering dust, your Bible leaves yellowing and withering through disuse? Have your icons become just another set of pretty figurines, instead of points around which your family gathers to pray together? Perhaps more than ever you need heaven's help to love each other better and bring the graces of homeliness into your house. And beyond the question of prayer time at home, you have to consider the question of whether or not you are visiting your places of worship together as a family. "The family that prays together stays together."

Consider your car, or whichever vehicle transports you to places of rest and repast. These are extensions of your house, and potential extensions of your home. Do you more often than not go on long drives or pleasure trips alone or with people outside your family? Perhaps it is time to seek once more the home that is the halo of your house that has quietly dissapeared into the night. Love lives only when lovers seek one another, love thrives when lovers go places together.